MTV UK launches paid video on demand service

Music television dinosaur MTV has made what we can only describe as the unfathomable decision to try and winkle a few quid out of desperate UK kids with a new video-on-demand service.

What with your 4OD, iTV Player and host of other advertising-sponsored free catch-up TV services, not to mention the unencumbered delights of the BBC iPlayer, we're scratching our heads as to who exactly the folks at MTV were aiming at when they thought they could find an audience willing to pay for its questionable content.

Now we're not exactly nestling within MTVOD's target demographic here at Thinq - in fact some of us were probably a bit long in the tooth to take too much notice of the satellite TV pioneer when it launched way back in 1981 - but we're not exactly predicting a server-melting rush of punters willing to pay for the likes of Brooke Knows Best, even if the service does cost a quid a day for unlimited access.

The schedule of 26 home-grown shows is broadly spread into three categories:

1. Reality shows featuring stupid spoiled, orange teenagers behaving like idiots.

2. Grown men doing unpleasant things to their scrotums for money.

3. Vomit-inducing 'dramas' featuring unfeasibly wealthy, thin, attractive and mainly orange people who have never done a days work in their lives, exposing the turmoil of their worthless existences to viewers who live on a council estate in Barnsley and probably sprinkle crack on the choco poofs when they get out of bed at 3pm.

There are a couple of shows on offer that don't fit into a single category, but you can certainly define all of them by combining two or three. In fact, we'd be willing to bet that's not too far away from MTV's commissioning editor's wish list for new programming.

If you have a pound you're not planning to spend on fake tan and Bensons - and access to a credit card (another fatal flaw in our estimation) - you can get 24 hours' worth of this fine content.

If you're feeling really flush - or suicidal - for two quid you can get a whole week's worth of coke-snuffling-comfort-eater Kerry Katona babbling about her shit life, ten-year-old episodes of MTV bone-snapping staple Jackass, or son-of-a-preacher-man, skinny-middle-class-white-boy-who-really-wants-to-be-poor-and-black Tim Westwood shouting incomprehensible gibberish at people who have just had gadgets worth three years of income support crammed into a car worth £20.

Having said all that, Dirty Sanchez is worth a pound of anyone's money to watch three Welsh nutters and an Englishman with a penchant for drinking his own (or anyone else's for that matter) bodily fluids torture each other in various states of insobriety.

It's also worth pointing out that our colonial cousins in the US of A get all of this for free, which seems like a much more reasonable price.

Here's the full list of the 26 shows on offer in case we haven't put you off yet.

8th & Ocean
16 And Pregnant
America's Most Smartest Model
Brooke Knows Best
Bedroom Diaries
Beavis and Butthead
The City
Dirty Sanchez
Daddy's Girls
Fist Of Zen
The Hills
JBack to Top
Jersey Shore
Jackass
Kerry Katona: What's The Problem?
Kerry Katona: Crazy In Love
Laguna Beach
My Super Sweet 16 UK
My Super Sweet 16
Nitro Circus
Punk'd
Pimp My Ride UK
Pimp My Ride
Run's House
Real World: Hollywood
The Hills
The City
Teen Mom