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Dear Microsoft: Windows 8 is fantastic

Software & AppsBlog
by John C. Dvorak, 14 May 2013Blog
Dear Microsoft: Windows 8 is fantastic

Yes, you read that headline correctly, and yes I wrote it. In this column I will extol the greatness of Windows 8 in an open letter to the company.

You see, I'm doing this because of a recent Microsoft blog post in which the company's VP of corporate communications, Frank X. Shaw, calls out the Financial Times and the Economist, among other complainers, for carping about Windows 8 and Microsoft in general. As far as I'm concerned these two were late to the party.

Shaw goes on to promote a curious Gizmodo piece in which the author pleads with Microsoft to keep the great features and benefits of Windows 8. I cannot tell if he is serious or not. It was written in such a breathless, panting, near-drooling manner that it has to be satire. And I wonder if this fellow even uses Windows.

I've decided that perhaps I can get some attention with a similar missive praising Windows 8. I can easily argue both sides of a debate, so here goes nothing.

An open letter to Microsoft

Dear Sir or Madam,

This is an open letter to everyone and anyone involved with Windows 8. Don't let the critics get you down. You've done good work and it should be rewarded. Immediately ask for a salary raise of 10 to 20 per cent. You deserve it!

Windows 8 is the future, let there be no doubt. The ham-fisted delicacy of the touchscreen is indeed beautiful. It's inviting and nothing welcomes you more warmly than a touchscreen that lets you feel at one with the computer as you poke it with your greasy finger and make sexy smear marks all over the gorgeous shiny screen. It's a masterpiece on your monitor.

Your idea that all interfaces should be simple, to-the-point, and touchable is the way to go. To heck with convention! We are all sick of the desktop and the whole idea of a desktop. It's not a desktop anyway — it's a screen and there are better things to put on it than folders and icons. These are dumb and assume that we all work in offices. Or worse, they assume that we work at all.

Just look at the old-fashioned interface. Those faux shadows and cutesy icons symbolise what exactly? This is not the interface for today's modern user. We need representation. Something that reflects the "now." A symbol of the public — today's public. Like some bland, square, one dimensional tiles. Dumbed down to an extreme. Dopey even. Tiles say it all. And you can poke at them and move them around.

Microsoft, you nailed it!

Windows 8 is the future. You achieve a sense of contemporary futility almost the minute you boot Windows 8. It has a gorgeous quality that screams "this is the future!"

This is especially true when the marvellous idea of a full-screen app comes into play on my 27in monitor. BOOM! It takes over the screen. I'm now forced to focus like a good citizen. No distractions, just the task at hand.

This is genius. I was told there used to be full-screen apps in the days of DOS and CP/M but back then everything was full-screen because you really had no choice. You've reinvented the idea and it's pure genius. I'm stunned by this sort of amazing creativity and utter greatness. Good work! Kudos to Microsoft and the Windows 8 team. You guys rock! Stay the course!

Sincerely,

Mickey Mouse.

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