Flappy Bird is a strange specimen. Its mind-boggling popularity actually led its creator to pull the game from app stores, despite the fact that it seemed to be netting him a footballer-esque income. Now, the crash and burn nature of its lifecycle has seen it being flogged on eBay for hundreds of thousands of pounds. But is the latest tech craze actually so great? There's no doubt that I'm hooked on the blighter, but at the same time, I actually think it sucks - and here's why.
Read more: Wings clipped on Flappy Bird game
It's too hard - and addictive
Quite simply. Flappy Bird is too damn hard, and its obscene difficultly is compounded by the fact that it's ludicrously addictive. I spent my commute last night obsessed with attaining a score of 20, and was up until the wee hours striving for 30. As well as confirming that I'm a massive loser, this is a dangerous combination for the average gamer's psychological well-being, the obvious comparison being crack - and most us know by now that that stuff sucks.
Top tips: How to get a high score on Flappy Bird
It's a rip-off
Despite its creator's claim that the pulling of the game had nothing to do with legal action being threatened by industry giants like Nintendo, it's pretty obvious that Flappy Bird is, shall we say, heavily inspired by classics new and old. The bird avatar is straight out of Rovio's Angry Birds playbook, the green water pipes are nicked from Super Mario, and the pleasing sound effects nod to a certain blue hedgehog named Sonic. All in all, Flappy Bird is about as original as beards in Shoreditch - except good beards don't suck.
Nguyen is a coward
Arguably the number one reason why Flappy Bird sucks is because it's no longer available. For whatever reason, creator Dong Nguyen decided to become a bit of a martyr and pull the game because he "can't deal" with the repercussions. Fair enough, many of us prefer the quiet life. But when you've got a game so popular most devs would maim small animals to be able to put their name to it, there's a certain responsibility to your users. Instead of manning up, Nguyen's cowardice means that hooked imbeciles are now looking to buy Flappy Birds on eBay for thousands of pounds. In other words, instead of being a a hero, the Flappy Bird creator decided he wanted to suck.
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It's littered with ads - and lacks functionality
One of the main reasons why it's so difficult to get into a world-beating rhythm in Flappy Bird is that every time to start to get your wing on, obnoxious ads pop up and throw off your concentration. As much loot as Dong Nguyen was making by spamming gamers, it's likely he could have made infinitely more by offering a paid model. This then points to another problem with Flappy Bird - it lacks options and functionality. I get that part of the beauty of the game is in its simplicity and infuriating randomness. But even an app this basic could have a couple more features, like the ability to play on different difficulty levels and turn off the audio so it doesn't clash with listening to tunes on the morning commute. Whether on the dinner table or in a game, straightforward can so often be a virtue - in the case of Flappy Bird, it's just another reason it sucks.
It encourages you to get drunk
Flappy Bird is one of those things that, like snooker and casual sex, lends itself all-too-well to mild inebriation. My top score of 28 was achieved after half a bottle of plonk, just like my pool game reaches its apex after three or four pints. Consume too much of the sauce and you'll obviously suffer, but there's little doubt that Flappy Bird encourages the anti-social consumption of alcohol. Getting drunk obviously doesn't suck, but imbibing just so you can lie on your couch and fly a stupid bird slightly better definitely does.