Apple is streaming live video of today's special keynote but you'll have to be a paid-up member of the Apple fanboy club to get an invite.
If you haven't got an up-to-date Mac running Safari or an iOS4 device... then you're not getting in.
Fear not, because we'll be watching the Steve Jobs keynote and giving you a blow-by-blow account of all the new goodnes from Apple on this very page. And you won't have to listen to all of those imbeciles whooping at Steve's every utterance. Bonus!
Just keep hitting that refresh button.
Three minutes to go.
Steve is on stage... it's a much smaller room than normal. Doesn't bode well.
Tim Cooke is invited onto the stage. He's talking numbers. Mac made 33 per cent of Apple's income last year. $22 billion dollars. If the Mac business was on its own it would be 110 on the Fortune 500.
13.7 million Macs sold last year. Installed base is 50 million users. Claiming 20.7 per cent of USA computer sales. There are now 600,000 registered Mac developers, and 30,000 new ones every month.
Cooke is talking about Steam for Mac and the return of Autocad. Microsoft Office is next up.
Lots more impressive numbers about Apple Stores, which now total 318. This is starting to sound like a financial conference call. Get on with it!
Steve is back up. Asking people to turn their phones off. Peasants!
He's talking about iLife. "It's why some people buy a Mac."
Surprise surprise... iLife 11 is coming. No new Apps so far but Steve's running through new features in iPhoto. New full screen modes. Closer Facebook and e-mail integration.
Phil Schiller is up for the iPhoto demo. It looks really fast. Every screen can be used in full screen view. Single click slide shows have swanky new animated themes with music and transitions. Really quite impressive.
Email integration also has nice new themes and layouts from within iPhoto. No need to open a mail app. Information panel now shows social networking details through Flickr and Facebook, including comments from freinds.
Book creation has more automation based on user ratings and key images. A new project view looks just like iBooks with a wooden shelf which contains all the books and cards you have made.
Steve is back and he thinks it's all "awesome", of course.
iMovie is up next. It has all new audio editing, one-step effect, a people finder, news and sport themes and the ability to construct movie trailers.
Audio waveforms are colour-coded and will turn red if they're distorted. Volume can be turned up and down by dragging on the waveform and fades can be dragged into place. There are new audio affects which are fun but a bit silly.
One-step effects like instant replays and flash and hold last frame look pretty cool. Complex editing in a couple of clicks.
Movie trailer feature takes a chunk of footage and adds themes, cast credits and studio logos. They also have new original scores recorded by the London Symphony Orchestra at Abbey Road.
iMovie now uses the same technology as iPhoto for face recognition. It's smart enough to identify group, action or head and shoulders shots. Takes about two minutes to put together and really is impressive. Also includes loads of new sharing options. Looks like it's all about social networking yet again.
Steve is back. Garage Band is up.
Xander Soren is up for the demo and he's very excited.
He plays a demo of a badly recorded band... the timing is all over the shop. A new Groove Matching feature can fix the timing of love recordings with a single click. Based on a single track, the groove is applied to all of the tracks. Blimey. No talent required. Like an automatic spellchecker for bad rhythm.
Flex time can also stretch chunks of audio to make them longer or shorter whilst retaining pitch.
Music lessons have been beefed up for guitar and piano and there's a new 'How did I play?' feature which tells you how awful you are showing bum notes in red and poor timing in yellow on an animated stave. A history window records your progress and shows how quickly your playing improves.
As Always, iLife comes free with every new Mac or can be purchased for $49. We'll let you know the UK price as soon as we know it but don't be surprised if it's £49.
Jobs is now moving on to Face Time. Quick history lesson, There are now 19 million Face Time devices. And now 50 million more with Face Time for Mac. So you can make viceo calls to an iPhone 4 or iPod Touch from your camera-equipped desktop Mac or vice-versa.
A beta release is available right now.
Now it's onto the meat... OSX.
"We're really happy with Snow Leopard, but we want to take it even further." No-one drops down dead when Jobs announces OSX Lion.
Lion is about bringing the innovations in iOS4 "Back to the Mac". Aha... all is becoming clear.
Multi touch gestures don't work on vertical surfaces. Touch surfaces want to be horizontal. Where is this leading? Ah... Magic Track Pad. Nothing new here... move along.
Lion will be the first OSX iteration to have its own App store with automatic installation and updates, like the iPhone and iPad. Apps will be licensed for use on all of the Macs you own.
Launchpad will be a new home screen for these Apps.
Mission Control is a new navigation tool and Craig Somethingorother is up for the demo.
Mac App store sits in the doc and works exactly like the iTunes App store with favourites, top rated and automatic updating.
Launchpad shows a full screen view of all installed applications and can be reorganised in the same way as iOS4 with pages and folders.
Just about everything in Lion has full screen views and can be manipulated using multi-touch gestures.
Steve is back saying Lion will be released next summer. The App Store will opened within 90 days. Developer information is available now and submissions will be accepted starting in November.
Is there gonna be a "one more thing"?
Jobs is winding up and going back over the keynote features so it's now or never.
Here it is...
He's talking about the virtuous cycle between Mac hardware, OSX and iOS4.
Hinting at a hybrid of MaBook and iPad.
A new MacBook Air.
Looks very pretty. 0.68 inches thin at thickest and tapers to 0.11 inches at leading edge. Full size keybpard and glass track pad. 13.3-inch LED backlit display. 1440 x 900 HD screen, Core Duo 2 CPU, Nvidia Gforce 320m graphics and no hard drive or optical drive. It's all flash memory. Instant on. Twice as fast. Silent operation.
Battery life: 7 hours on wireless web, 30 days standby.
Inside the case, flash memory installed straight on the motherboard, 802.11n wifi and one massive battery.
Oh and here's the 11.6-inch version with all the same stuff as above and five hour battery life.
The small version is going to sell for £999 with 64GB of memory and a 1.4GHz CPU and they're available from today. We'll have three.
It's all over folks... thanks for joining us. We'll tell you what we thinq of it all tomorrow.