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Top 10 tell tale signs your tariff needs upgrading

1. Sending a single text message outside of your monthly allowance costs more than dialling the moon for an hour

2. Your last bill had more zeros in the amount due box than your last pay check contained

3. Roaming charges are so high that you are lucky to make it out of your post code before a large fee is incurred

4. Viewing Facebook on your phone costs more than the website is valued at

5. You've discovered calling customer services to complain about the minutes being used up actually uses up all of your minutes

6. Calling someone on the same network costs almost the same as making that moon call, only there's no space men to speak of or to

7. There's still more months to go on your contract than you are sure are in a decade

8. Your text message bundle is so low that you've now taken to writing letters instead

9. Calling someone after you've used up all of your minutes usually results in the remortgaging of your home to pay off the bill

10. Every minute someone calls you, a minute is taken off your monthly call allowance - and yes, this DOES actually happen in America

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