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The tweeting Pope isn’t fooling anyone

I'm getting fed up with publicists, secretaries, and personal assistants tweeting for notable figures. There are far too many instances of ghost tweeters who are employed just so people can keep some sort of virtual iron in the Twitter fire.

I think the celebrities think it makes them look hip, like the kids, when really this fakery is like the middle-aged guy who wears his baseball cap askew. It's idiotic.

I'll challenge a slew of supposed users who only make the kind of banal commentary a PR rep would write. First there's @BillGates and his wife, @melindagates. They post the most inane and impersonal tweets written in a pure promotional style. Check them out and tell me I'm wrong. Unless, perhaps, Bill had his brain removed.

The same holds true for leading politicians. The biggest offender is Barack Obama. This guy hasn't got time for this nonsense. I can just imagine him saying, "excuse me, Prime Minister, I need to tweet my concerns about the Farm Bill."

Of course, it got worse when someone in the administration made the point that the true tweets from Mr. President sign his initials "-bo" at the end. This compounds the problem. First, the staff have admitted that he doesn't tweet. Now, he supposedly tweets once in a while and adds "-bo." You may as well add the initials "-bs" because as far as I can tell, these are also fake tweets. He's the president of the United States, for gosh sakes. Why is he ever tweeting anything? He's not and let's face it.

So here comes Pope Benedict XVI. Oh, yes, this makes nothing but sense. Let's put ourselves in his shoes. He runs the biggest church operation in the world. He's stuck in meetings and travels all the time. He's inundated with things to do. He's 85 years old and just has to be pooped all day long. So he says to himself, "hmmm, I've heard of this Twittering thing and it seems it's what all the kids are doing. Let me boot my Ultrabook here and join in. I want to be part of this!"

Does anyone actually believe this is even possible?

The answer to that is apparently yes. The Washington Post ran a story about the Pope joining Twitter in which a bunch of Catholics praise the idea.

One of his first tweets was: "Any suggestions on how to be more prayerful when we are so busy with the demands of work, families and the world?" He's asking for suggestions like this? I'm not buying it, sorry.

The fact is there is nothing sensible the Pope can possibly tweet. He's not going to suddenly develop a taste for the mundane, which is really what Twitter is about.

"When are they going to fix the upholstery of the Popemobile? It's been two weeks!"

Or maybe: "Darn, I almost fell down the stairs of the Basilica. Who designed these steps, anyway?"

And you'll never get typical tweets like: "Boy @jeriLryan was one hottie when she played seven of nine." I'd think if the Pope was actually on Twitter, he'd start calling people out: "I don't know about you, but I think that girl @stoya needs to convert."

Let's face it. The Pope's account is as fake as those of Bill Gates, Obama, and the hundreds of other figures who see the whole thing as a free publicity channel. There is probably some PR person behind it thinking it is great because it gives him or her something to do.

In the long run, Twitter just loses its impact and fades. Actually, it already has. The Pope was a little late to the game.