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A guide to being an idiot on Google+

Previously, we’ve looked at how to be a twit on Twitter. Google+ is a newer social media platform, of course, but there’s just as much scope to be an idiot on there. So if you like to flaunt digital etiquette, and turn heads online for all the wrong reasons, here’s our guide to being a moron on Google+. Follow it at your own peril…

1.Add everyone – and I mean EVERYONE

If you've got a Yahoo Mail, Gmail, or account, or any third-party address book, then you can throw them in a Google+ circle. Click the Circles button, then Find People, and put in everyone you know, as well as acquaintances you don't. They'll all get spammed by alerts notifying them that they're being followed on yet another social network they probably don't use.

2.Use a pseudonym

The key to being an "identity service," at least from Google's and its marketing cronies' perspective, is to get you to use your real name. That way they can match your name everywhere and see what you're doing. I suppose it also makes it easier for your so-called "friends" to find you, especially if they already put you in a Circle. But if you can go the extra mile and create an entire account with a fake name, then no one will find you! You've made social networking entirely superfluous – congrats!

3.Don't brand yourself or your business

That Google+ profile that you should probably fill out in excruciating detail? You can skip it. When people find you or your business name in a search engine results page (SERP), it'll be missing important details and data, but if they really cared, they'd find you in the phone book, right?

4.Translate this!

Install the Google Translate for Google+ extension on your Google Chrome browser, and when you make a post, translate it into something like Chinese or Swahili or Yiddish before posting. Once you see it in the other language, cut and paste it to make sure others see it. (Yes, people with the extension can translate it back, but that's not as much fun).

5.Personalise and promote

Did you know you can take your own on-the-fly Google+ profile photo anytime you want with your own webcam? You sure can, and I suggest changing it often. Be sure to send your biggest Circle of friends a personal message whenever you do. They love narcissism.

6.Overdo the formatting

Use rich text in your status updates – in fact, go nuts with it. Why? Because it makes what you say so much more readable. And by readable, I mean the opposite of that.

7.Hangout then disappear

Start a Hangout to indicate you're ready for a face-to-face video chat with friends who may happen to be online at the same time. You can even invite people in your Circles. Then leave your computer… for hours.

8.Edit yourself

I'm not saying be careful what you say – oh no. I'm saying that because Google+ lets you re-edit your posts, you can cause quite a stir. For example, post something like "I like kittens!" and hopefully get a ton of comments about how nice and thoughtful you are. Once you've got a full comment thread, change it to something else like "Nazi's aren't all bad!" and laugh at how stupid and evil those comments now appear.